With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
