so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
