I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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