you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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