im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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