so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
