Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
