I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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