So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
