Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
