and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
