Just fell off a train. Bad.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
