The maid of honor just puked.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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