Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
