After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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