They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
