I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
