Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
