Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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