3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
