If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
