On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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