I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
