So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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