so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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