I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
