Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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