So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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