Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
