I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
