All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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