am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
