you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
