if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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