This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
