I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
