Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
