Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
