so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
