she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
