I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Enjoy the penises
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
