if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
