Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
