Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
