I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
