so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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