He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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