The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
