Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
