So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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