Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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